Lacquer or Leave Her!: Review: The Lady Varnishes Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy polishes

(Press samples and affiliate links ahead!)

Hello!

One of my top three favorite reads is the set of five books in the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy trilogy (no, that's not a mistake, this trilogy has five books--take that up with Douglas Adams, not me, hehe). The basic premise is that when Arthur Dent wakes up to discover his house is being razed to make way for a bypass, he doesn't think his day can get any worse--until he finds out the entire Earth itself is also being destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass.

Luckily, Arthur has a friend who's from another planet, and knows how to get them to safety just in time. And that's when the adventure begins.

Note that I said I love the books--to really enjoy the phenomenon, you must read the books. Douglas Adams is a master of bizarre humor, and so much of that is included in the 'entries' contained in the guidebook, which don't translate as well to other media. The BBC miniseries actually manages this quite well, so that's an acceptable alternative. But please don't EVER make the mistake of watching the movie, at least not until you've read the books first, because it will ruin them for you.

As you may have guessed, the polishes I have to show you today are inspired by the Hitchhiker Trilogy, by The Lady Varnishes. And as much as I love the books, I've discovered there is something that can make them better--multichrome glitter.

(But that's true of everything, isn't it?)

The Lady Varnishes Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy inspired polishes: Poetry Reading, Depressed Robot, and Hello Ground

In each of these three polishes from The Lady Varnishes, Kirsten has infused a gorgeous base color with a mystical melange of multichrome magic. Okay, yes, that's a lot of 'm' words, but what can I say, multichrome glitter does that to me. Oh, and hey, guess what--THEY ALSO GLOW IN THE DARK. Which is very useful when you find yourself stashed away in the hold of a Vogon constructor ship. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's start with The Lady Varnishes Depressed Robot, and taupey-brown shimmering crelly with multichrome glitter that mostly shows copper, but shifts green and gold:

The Lady Varnishes Depressed Robot

Formula: Beautiful. No application issues on either coat, smooth and easy.
Coverage: Two coats for full coverage.

This is my kind of neutral! This is work appropriate with a dash of happy to get you through your nine-to-five. It's elegant, but also fun. 'Depressed Robot' is a reference to Marvin, a robot Arthur encounters on his travels, who possesses a Genuine People Personality(TM), a module created by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation that makes a robot into 'your plastic pal who's fun to be with!'(TM)). Unfortunately, it turns out that Genuine People tend to suck, and the personality that Marvin has is pessimistic and suicidal. This polish is what would happen if Sirius Cybernetics fixed the module and threw in some pizzazz, turned that frown upside down, basically added a miraculous dose of Prozac to Marvin's miserable life. And I love it.

Next we have The Lady Varnishes Hello Ground, a navy shimmering crelly with that same multichrome glittter mixture:

The Lady Varnishes Hello Ground

Formula: Beautiful. No application issues on either coat, smooth and easy.
Coverage: Two coats for full coverage, unless you have longer nails with staining like me. You can see I have a bit of VNL, but that didn't show in most lights. Still, you might need three coats to be sure.

This is a gorgeous night sky polish--imagine the galaxy nails you could make with this. The name 'Hello Ground' is difficult to explain without giving away why it's funny--let's just say that due to bizarre circumstances that only Marvin could have predicted, a whale and a pot of petunias are called into existence in the stratosphere of a planet, plummeting toward its surface. We're treated to the considerable internal monologue of the extremely cheerful and optimistic whale, who looks forward to making friends with the new, vast thing rapidly approaching him from below. By contrast, the pot of petunias has only one thought: "Oh no, not again."*

Finally, I give you my favorite from the three (and it wasn't an easy choice!), The Lady Varnishes Poetry Reading, a moss-green shimmering crelly with that awesome multichrome glitter:

The Lady Varnishes Poetry Reading

Formula: Beautiful. No application issues on either coat, smooth and easy.
Coverage: Two coats for full coverage.

I am obsessed with this polish--I adore this shade of green, and the way the shimmer makes it look like it's as deep as eternity. This is deep forests with lichen on rocks, or pots of gold dripping down your nails on St. Patrick's day. And something about the coppery orange of the glitter gives it a reptilian, alien feel perfect for the name of this polish. You see, when Arthur escapes the exploding Earth, he does it by hitching a lift on the Vogon constructor fleet that's been sent to clear the way for the hyperspace bypass. Vogons are an alien race that are just this shade of green. Vogons are known for writing astoundingly bad poetry, like, so bad people kill themselves rather than have to listen to it. Vogons also aren't fond of unapproved hitchhikers. So, Arthur and his alien friend Ford are ~~tortured with~~ welcomed with a Vogon poetry reading once they're discovered. Yeah, it's like that.

So what do I think of these polishes? They capture the spirit of the book--the names and the colors evoke some of my favorite moments in the story, and the multichrome glitter and the glow-in-the-dark adds a dash of surreality that I believe Douglas Adams himself would have approved of. And the quality is amazing.

The Lady Varnishes Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy inspired polishes

These polishes go on sale on 20 January 2017, so mark your calendars. You'll be able to find them in The Lady Varnishes's store, and in the meantime, you can follow The Lady Varnishes on Facebook and join the Facebook fan group for news, sales, and inspiration.

Happy polishing, and remember to always know where your towel is,
M.
*And yes, if you read the entire trilogy, all five books, you will find out exactly why the petunias thought that. And it's totally worth it.