Thursday, May 9, 2013

Learning to speak Polish-ese

Hello!

On the road between casual nail polisher and polish obsessed, there are many new things to learn, and this blog is partly about my trials and tribulations while learning them. Not the least of these, however, is learning the jargon that polish lovers use. For this reason, I have decided to compile a dictionary of Polish-ese. 

'No-Buy' (noun): A predetermined period of time when the polish lover (henceforth known as 'PL') will refrain from buying nail polish. Generally speaking, the No-Buy will last approximately 20% of the actual time pledged by the PL. For example, if the PL says she will go 30 days without buying polish, she will likely only go about 6 days before falling off the wagon. However, there seems to be an inverse relationship between the amount of time that the PL swears off buying polish and the amount of time she will actually refrain from buying; that is, the longer the amount of time pledged, the sooner the PL will abandon the No-Buy. Regardless of this, if the PL makes it past the 20% mark of the pledge even by one day, this is impressive and she should be praised and rewarded with a bottle of polish. 

'Dupe' (noun): This is a polish that looks exactly like another polish, usually one made by a much more expensive brand. The origin of this term is disputable; while most people believe it is short for 'duplicate', some believe it comes from the verb 'to dupe', as in 'I can't believe I was duped into paying $25 for this polish when I could have had purchased the cheaper brand for $1.99!'

Lemming (noun or verb): A polish that a PL sees on a blog and decides she has to have. The origin of this refers to how the PL will run around madly thinking of nothing else, sometimes to the point of running off of a financial cliff in order to obtain said polish. The only way to restore sanity to the PL is for them to obtain the polish they are lemming. Unfortunately, the PL usually finds another lemming to lemming as soon as they get the previous lemming they were lemming.

'Untried' (noun): A polish that a PL has purchased, but hasn't yet worn. The use of this term implies that the untried is one among many untrieds owned by the PL (if this sounds like hoarding, that's because it's a closely related phenomenon). This is in part true because a polish isn't an 'untried' the moment it is brought home; it has to be owned for a time before it becomes an untried; usually, it becomes an untried once the PL buys another polish before having tried the first polish. A tragic side effect of the 'untried' phenomenon is that it often results in one or more dupes (see above). 

'Holo' (noun): A polish that gives a 3D rainbow effect; this is short for 'holographic'. There appears to be something in holographic polish formulas that react with the body chemistry of the PL, causing her to immediately crave ever more colors of  holographic polishes; in some cases this reaction is severe and will lead the PL to pay outrageous prices on eBay to obtain such polishes. Often the PL will try to combat this with a 'No-Buy', but this strategy usually fails even with non-holographic polishes (see above), and is not strong enough to combat the chemical addiction. Thankfully, there is a substitute drug that will help combat this; see 'SpectraFlair'.

'SpectraFlair': A magical substance that turns ordinary polishes into holographic polishes, at a fraction of the cost. Unfortunately, this is hard to find. PLs whisper rumors of SpectraFlair sightings the same way conspiracy theorists whisper about sightings of Big Foot. If you get your hands on some, you will have earned the right to count yourself among the well-and-truly polish addicted. :)

Thanks for reading! :)

Hugs and love,
M.

25 comments:

  1. This is awesome! And hilarious (because it is so true).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I corrected it so it has the missing stuff now. Sorry about that!!

      Delete
  2. Thanks for sharing! I'm kind of new to the nail polish terminology so this was helpful to read :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahahaha! OMG, this is priceless! =]

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow I really needed this when I started reading blogs. It took me a while to figure out some of the abbreviations/slang. No buy was the biggest stumper for me. Now that I am a real polish hoarder I have fallen off that no buy wagon myself. Thankfully my list of lemmings is short now and down to only a couple of polishes. (That won't last as summer releases are coming out already and OPI has already leaked pics of their fall lineup!) Oh and did you all know that you can buy polishes on Amazon that aren't available in the stores? Well, you probably did, but I just discovered that. I just got a bottle of Sally Hansen Complete Manicure in #210 Naked Ambition. I know it's just a neutral but it is pretty and I didn't have it, and it is now off my lemming list. I love getting mail from Amazon.

    Ha ha I love that about the meaning of dupe as in being scammed. I only thought it meant duplicate, as in replica or you can't tell any difference when you are wearing it and can use them interchangeably. But to me not necessarily a high end dept store polish in involved. I can find dupes of polishes just in the drugstore editions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hee hee hee! I think 'dupe' really only does mean 'duplicate', but I've always thought it was funny that 'I've been duped' could be a secondary meaning, lol. And yes, you're exactly right--I find a lot of dupe polishes at other price points. It's amazing!

      Delete
  5. This made me giggle :) Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Replies
    1. Thanks so much, lol! I added a bit b/c the first draft slipped out in my flu-induced stupor...

      Delete
    2. I hope you're feeling better! <3

      Delete
    3. I'm getting there, thank you. <3

      Delete
  7. Haha! Amazing post :) When I read the title I thought you were learning Polish and I got all excited, cuz I'm from Poland ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ROFL!! I made the opposite mistake once--here we have 'polish sausages', and I was reading something quickly and read it as Pahlish sausages, lol!

      Delete
  8. This is so well written and funny, I thoroughly enjoyed this post!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I guess I am truly polish addicted :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very funny Michelle! As lemmings throw themselves off cliffs, I interpreted lemming to mean "I'd die for that polish!" Or I'm dying to get that polish. Great job.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think this is great! I highly recommend that you save it as a page in your menu bar and periodically add to it (hex, crelly, jelly sandwich, etc). I would totally link to it to explain things to my friends and some of my readers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, that's really great of you to say! I meant it just as a silly fun thing, but I'll think about doing a part two and making it a permanent tab. :)

      Delete
  12. "PLs whisper rumors of SpectraFlair sightings the same way conspiracy theorists whisper about sightings of Big Foot. "

    Made me laught.
    Great post.

    ReplyDelete

Make my day--leave me a comment!